Monday, May 23, 2011

gangi frá engill

Never knew I'd be such a drama queen. The news was something I had been expecting for some time now. But then again, you know, there's always this hope... that may be things are not as bad as your fears tell you. The good thing is, I've run out of fears now.

I needed to run.

Just got out of the room and made my way to the main road. finished a smoke by the time I reached Kusum Pahari Slum. The road from here to DLF Vasant Kunj was a straight mile stretch. There were no cars on the road. The traffic lights were red though. Weird.

I ran.

For drama's sake, I dashed as the lights turned green. I wasn't expecting a great pick up. May be I wasn't as heavy as I thought I was. The thing with running too fast is, you seem to lose your balance if you try to slow down too soon. I was surprised my head was filled with useless info such as this when all I actually wanted to do was just run and let all the bullshit out. part of me was angry too. at myself.

I had barely managed to reach the turning that led to the mall when I looked up to the streetlights. closing my eyes was a stupid idea. I tripped on the pavement and fell. No bruises. Was I tough? I didn't feel tough. i didn't bother getting up. Breathing was not easy. I never had weird horse-like noises come out of me before this. I wasn't dying, that would have been too pathetic.

A car zoomed past. Someone threw a plastic bottle at me from the inside. I picked it up and somehow managed to throw it back. the car stopped. I didn't move. A girl stepped out. We looked at each other. I hadn't yet realized my forehead was bleeding. She went back in and drove away. A dog paid attention to me. i was momentarily happy. I waited for it to wag its tail or something. Bastard just sniffed the bottle and left. i tried whistling for attention. I didn't know how to whistle.

I wanted to pass out. I would have been successful too, had the weather not been so awesome. what were the odds! fucken Delhi summers!! shitty things can happen on good nights.

They say you can't have what you want unless you accept what you are. I hope it's true for letting go as well. I was a chaser obsessed with chasing the impossible. Now I will try to let go. May be.

I took an auto back home.  

Song fo da moment (i want to be able to talk like this) - Lunatic Calm - Leave You Far Behind

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