Sunday, March 25, 2012

On being Agony Uncle...

A lady friend, who had recently met a guy, asked me today - "How do you let a guy know that you want him to kiss you?"

It was nice to see her happy. A little clueless, but happy.
The thing is, I'm the last guy one should approach for "guy" advice. I pretty much suck at studying people's minds when it comes to heart shaped discussions. The gender does not matter. It does not make matters better or worse either. However, the latest bout of mushiness I had gone through (hopefully it's passed), made me indulge her as sincerely as it was possible by my standards.

All I could suggest was - "If I wanted a kiss, I'd have asked it plainly."
This was just another example of what a deep fucken hypocrite I am. I'd never ask a girl, would I? Chhee Chhee, what would she think?

But at least it got me thinking. (I think when I'm not working. No, seriously, a ghostwriter leaves his brain behind when working.) Why would anyone want that kiss? Is sucking face that important... right after you've had a nice time conversing with each other. Also, after hours of talking over cigarettes and joints, wouldn't you NOT want to share mouth space that smells of tobacco?

My dad, and later my mum, used to show me letters they used to write to each other. The topics they covered dealt more with which cousin eloped with which lover, who had how many beers after Kapil Dev ripped through the Australian line-up, how the cycle ride to the next village was better in the evening than in the morning... and such other gibberish, than with how much they loved or missed each other. Back then I used to wonder why anyone would talk such bullshit on a postcard. Later, I grew up and understood the necessity and charm of a good conversation. Forcing a bad joke on someone is not as cruel as forcing your obsession. (no matter how bad my jokes are.)
I don't know why the kiss is so important. If it's really that precious, can't we get over with it somewhere in the middle, say, when we're eating? This way, I could also taste what she's eating. (foodie high five? anyone?)

On a slightly depressing note, my friend and I figured out that we were both told by our respective dates that we'd soon meet and travel - "here, there, anywhere..".
Is this a new template I'm unaware of? Because, like a child, I believed her.

But I couldn't let my friend drift back to her cynical self.
I gave her some bullshit about how being cynical is like playing it safe - you won't be disappointed no matter what, in case things head south. We ended our chat by agreeing to be hopeful with a sense of humour.

The Smiths are helpful at times. Hopefully.