Sunday, January 1, 2012

How 2011 (rear) ended me..

Facts -
  • Net Resolutions around Dec/Jan have exponentially increased since the arrival of Facebook.
  • The number of fucks Delhi gives in regards to global warming is zero.
  • The content writer is the scum of the universe. Even below the outbound Hindi call center guy who stays near Atta market in Noida. And he is NEVER content. 
So, how did I spend the night of December 31st, 2011 you ask? Come, (don't) I shall tell you.
Did you ever have a dream where you're surrounded by beautiful naked people all around you, stuffing things into each others' orifices?

Well, neither did I. (But I'm sure someone does dream about those things)

But, I got to live one of these dreams. Oh yes! (repeat 6x)
So, when the entire world was celebrating the arrival of the last year of human existence (Yes, I believed everything the Mayans and John Cusack's movie told me), when my yellow bro Thupten was asking me to accompany him to a party which I'm guessing had booze, women, grass and a guitar, when Pori was having a good time with her sisters, when Sunayana was being the cool hippie somewhere in Rajasthan, when my parents were gorging on excellent food back home, when Kar was enjoying the after-party of her birthday party somewhere in the hills in North Bengal, when Pankhuri was eating all the cakes her Mum was baking at home, when the Nigerians in the next building were going in with crates of alcohol every ten minutes, when Johny Hendricks was knocking out Jon Fitch with one left overhook at UFC 141, I was....

... writing 24 articles for the website (The lack of hyperlink is intentional. No, seriously.)
This website sells anal sex toys for men and I (of all content writers out there, WHY ME???) had to write about the heightened orgasms a guy could get if he rubbed his prostate gland with the right amount of pressure. And that was just one of the 24 topics!

So yea, there were no girls, only guys inside my head... and that too, naked ones with this expression. If I were a gay content writer, I could have still seen the silver lining... but, sigh...

I tried going out, but Delhi winters are seriously not good for Bengali boys like me. Also, the auto guys were charging 50 bucks for a 20/- ride to Priya. Screw this!! I wanted to hit them on the head with the biggest prostate massager mankind has ever seen...

I came back to my room and tried to finish the work. I even waited for Stockholm Syndrome to hit me. But no. Nothing. I just sat like a loser and carried on typing.

Happy New Year, everyone.

P.S. All you guys out there who want to 'experiment'. Let it be known that stimulating your prostate gland can induce an orgasm which can last up to an hour. For more details, go to

Woody Guthrie's New Year Resolutions from 1942.

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